Racket Innovation

TENNIS CONSUMES SCOTT AND STEVE, friends from high school. When the rain allows—they try rain once: the rock-heavy ball skips across the court/lake, water slinging centrifugal.

Now, Steve is Lendl, Scott is McEnroe, in this future tennis champions’ pair: Steve, methodical; Scott, apocalyptic.

Racket innovation spells the end of the wood-framed classics of yesteryear, but one day a broken, tangled mass of abstract racket of this ilk is uncovered amidst leafy debris by the fence edge.

Henceforth, instead of the usual anger outlet of launching his good tennis implement, Scott would intone:
— Bring in the stunt racket!

Mother Fell

MOTHER FELL and broke her hip. I asked my lying sister-in-law how it happened.
— (bitchy) She fell because of those slippery socks you gave her.
— (skeptical) Hmm.

Later, again on the phone:
— Mother, did you fall because of those socks I gave you ?
— No. I tripped over that stupid dog.

The dog in question: little, white bulldog.

A couple of weeks later, I visit my recuperating mother. Everyone is in the living room when Mother warily creeps around the edge of the room.
— Mother. What are you doing ?
— That dog is trying to kill me !